I was blessed with a great dad. He wasn’t perfect any more than any of us are but he was kind, considerate, loving, funny, involved, a good provider for his family and well, I could go on and on. I was fortunate. I say this because I also know that both Father’s and Mother’s Day can be quite triggering for some. For them, their parent(s) were not good. They were abusive physically, sexually, verbally, emotionally, financially, and any way you can manipulate or control someone. Please hear me say: no abuse is ever ok.
And so, today, the reality for children across the world is that some fathers are like my dad. They are compassionate, nurturing, strong, and present as they help to mold and shape their children into adults that will be compassionate, nurturing, strong, and present just as they were. It is a legacy worth leaving.
On Father’s Day we celebrate the good dads who did all they could for their children. We take this day to acknowledge and say thank you to all the dads who love their children for who they are and do not try to change them into something they are not. To the dads who accepted their children and gave them opportunities to learn. To the dads who taught a spirit of curiosity and wonder to their children. To all the dads who rocked the role of father we say thank you!
I would be remiss however, if I didn’t also acknowledge that on this is a day, we also live in the tension for those who did not have good fathers. Their dads were abusive, controlling, manipulative and in all the cruel and mean-spirited ways they sabotaged the safety and care they should have offered to their children. These men fell far short of the ideal of fatherhood and in the falling they caused great harm.
And here’s the thing: Father’s Day is not a one size fits all kind of day. We can celebrate the good dads and there are many good dads raising their children, loving them and encouraging them to do their best in life. We can also hold safe space and offer understanding and compassion for those who grieve what they never had. A dad who loved them. Instead, they got a dad who caused harm, a dad they did not deserve.
Today, we hold space for all of it. And like life it can be messy as we celebrate the dads who loved deeply and lead their families with kindness and compassion. We offer comfort to those who are grieving the loss of their dad, no matter how long it has been since he died. We give grace and mercy to those who are healing from dads who caused great harm and for whom they are still working through the trauma of what their fathers did to them. For those who feel grief, anger, even estrangement, we see you. We offer safe space for your pain. We acknowledge that you never got to experience what you wanted more than anything: a good, kind, and loving dad.
For anyone who feels unseen or uncertain about how they feel today about their father, please know you are seen, you are loved, and you matter. God is there holding you waiting to heal the hurt. You are not alone…you are never alone.
Peace,
Beth
Beth's Blog 