I was talking with my brother the other day and I don’t remember how the subject came up but he mentioned that he was really good at catastrophizing which is the art of making big things out of little things or thinking in terms of worst case scenarios. I laughed because so am I or at least I used to be. In fact, in our own unique ways we are both quite gifted at catastrophizing and so I shared the following story with him that reminds me to stop whenever I am faced with a situation that sends me down a dark rabbit hole…
When my daughter, his niece, was working on her AA and was a waitress at one of the local restaurants, I got a call from her. This would have been about 20 or so years ago. The call went something like this:
Mom, will you be home tonight?
Yes, why?
I need to talk to you. Click.
That was it. Her tone was clipped and when I tried to call her back because I thought something was wrong, she didn’t answer her phone. It just went to voice mail. Of course, my brain went straight to worst case scenarios because remember, at this point in my life I was really good at catastrophizing. I mean it made perfect sense to think that something horrible happened to my precious daughter because I had all the evidence…see above phone conversation. Well…maybe I didn’t have that much evidence…but still, I just knew something awful had befallen her.
So, I thought maybe she was in an accident and the police needed to talk to her. That would explain why the phone call was so short and I couldn’t reach her. Maybe she was going to tell me she was pregnant with this boy she was dating (She of course insisted they were just friends but I had yet to meet him. And BTW, “that boy” is now her husband and they have been married for 18 years with three children and I love him dearly.) Maybe she…well, I think you get the idea. And I did this for the REST. Of. MY. DAY. as I wondered if she was ok and why didn’t she answer her phone and just knowing that something was REALLY WRONG because…you know…catastrophizing.
Anyway…my day went by in slow motion and when it was finally over, I raced home…well not really but I did get home as quickly as possible because I assumed she would be home around 5pm like me…I mean why else would she make sure I was going to be home after work, right? So, I get home by 5 and then it is 5:30 and then 6:00…by the way, I am getting more antsy as the minutes tick by and my worst-case scenarios keep getting worse and worse…until FINALLY she gets home. She breezes into the house…Hi Mom! All happy and cheerful and goes back to her room to change…Ummmmmm
No. No. This is not happening. She is going to talk to me about what she needed so urgently and that was so important she called to make sure I would be home and didn’t have any meetings or other obligations. So…I walk/run back to her room. Knock on the door and let myself in…
Um I thought you needed to talk to me?
What? Oh! Yes. I need to get your pot roast recipe. (That boy, my translation of his name at the time) is going to be home on leave, (he was in the army and in fact, just recently retired from the army) and I want to make a special dinner for him. And, hey, could you not be home that evening?
My internal and very sarcastic dialog went something like this: Of course, that is exactly what I thought you needed when you called! I mean what else could it have possibly been! I didn’t think it could be anything else! And I didn’t worry…not one iota all day long! And you still don’t want me to meet Him?!? Probably not since you keep telling me he is nothing more than “just a friend.” Right! As if I believe that!
My external dialog, what I said out loud, was: Oh sure. I would be happy to write that down for you. It is super easy, and it does make a great pot roast. But…we’ll talk about my not being here.
If you are laughing at me, please feel free. I continue to laugh at myself over the entire situation. I wasted a lot of energy worrying about something that never happened.
What I realized is that there will be times in our lives when it is hard. Life is good at throwing curve balls our way. And we will need to deal with them. BUT there are many more times that we wind ourselves up worrying over things that haven’t happened, probably won’t happen, and aren’t a big deal in the long run. I have learned not to catastrophize because more often than not, it is just pot roast.
Peace,
Pastor Beth
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