“To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless.” Psalm 119:96
“And he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
“The demand for the perfect is the enemy of the possible good. Be peace and do justice, but let’s not expect perfection in ourselves or the world. Perfectionism contributes to intolerance and judgmentalism and makes ordinary love largely impossible.” Richard Rohr
We are saturated in the idea that everything must be perfect. Parties must be coordinated by theme. Weddings…oh my…don’t get me started. Perfection has given us bridezillas that demand everything be done perfectly because it is “their” day. What happened to the groom? Or the idea that a wedding isn’t just the joining of two people into a family unit but a joining of two extended families who will love and support this new family being created on their wedding day? Or what about taking pictures! They are staged with everyone dressed in coordinating colors, or the same color and the setting must be just right. We have become obsessed with perfection. And what is it with food pictures?
I firmly believe social media is to blame. We see all the posts from everyone else and think that must be how they live every day…trust me it isn’t. There is no way everyone lives a perfect life every day. I mean, I love my husband…but there are days…Oh there are days. And I am quite sure he would say the same about me. And that is true in any relationship. It isn’t all moonlight and roses. There are far more days filled with daylight and dishes. That doesn’t mean they have to be boring. Mundane maybe…boring absolutely not. And certainly not perfect.
Unfortunately, perfectionism can be harmful. I love how Brene Brown writes about perfectionism in her book “Atlas of the Heart.” In it she says this: “Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism. Perfectionism is not striving to be our best or working toward excellence. Healthy striving is internally driven. Perfectionism is externally driven by a simple but potentially all-consuming question: What will people think?” This alone is the reason I believe social media is behind this desire for perfection in our lives. Perfection that can never be attained. BTW…Brene Brown’s books, all of them, are fantastic and I highly recommend them to you.
When we are doing something because we love it and we want to do it well, that is one thing. But when we are doing something because we are driven by the question: “What will people think” we are in very toxic territory. We are “doing” because we want people to approve of us. Again, I like what Brene Brown wrote about this: “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, work perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” Here is the thing: we can’t avoid pain in our life and perfectionism actually, will only bring more pain than it will alleviate.
The thing we need to have is a spirit of curiosity and a willingness to fail. It is through our failures, which are certainly not perfect, that we learn what not to do and get better at what we are trying to accomplish. From a scriptural standpoint, perfection has nothing to do with doing things perfectly, but it is a sense of completeness. Something is finished. Which is a little ironic when we talk about perfectionism because perfectionism can keep us from finishing anything as it is never perfectly done so we keep working on it. You can see how perfectionism is an enemy that keeps us from fully experiencing all life has to offer.
God’s perfect will for our lives is that we find completeness. And we will only find that kind of completeness through God’s amazing grace. It means knowing when we have enough and then, learning to be content with what we have. God’s power will overcome any weakness we have as we move toward a complete and perfect relationship with our creator. There is no shame in being weak or imperfect. We just need to be exactly who God created us to be.
Perfectionism leads us right to the very emotions we want to avoid shame, judgmentalism, and at its very worst leads to us being paralyzed and we are unable to accomplish anything because we believe we can’t do it perfectly.
So, stop worrying about getting everything done exactly right and just go and live your life. Remember, there will always be critics who don’t like how you do things. Our responsibility isn’t perfectionism but to do everything to the best of our abilities.
Peace,
Pastor Beth
Beth's Blog 